An Evening Routine for Women Who Give Their Days to Everyone Else

For years my evenings went to dinner, homework, the dog and the call to my mother. By ten o'clock I finally had something that was mine, and I handed it straight to my phone. An hour later I was still awake, a little more tired, and I couldn't have named one thing I looked at.

The scroll isn't a character flaw. It's what happens when a woman who's been needed all day finally gets an hour and has nothing left to decide what to do with it. So let's decide ahead of time.

1. Close (1 minute). Do one small thing that ends the day's shift: shut the laptop, wipe the counter, change your clothes. Then say it out loud: "That's enough for today."
2. Dock (1 minute). The phone goes to bed somewhere outside your bedroom.
3. Set Down (3 minutes). Write what you're still carrying, so it stays on the page instead of coming to bed with you.
4. Keep (3 minutes). One song, one poem, one chapter. Something that's just yours.
5. Tally (2 minutes). Three things that went right today, and at least one you did for yourself.

Before you pick up the phone after dinner, stop for ten seconds and ask what you're really after. Then try a better swap:

• Company? Call or text one person you actually like, before nine.
• Quiet? A lamp, no screen, ten minutes of nothing.
• Not having to think? A crossword, dishes by hand, a novel you've read before.
• Being nobody for a while? A bath with the door locked.
• Something to look forward to? Plan one small thing for this weekend, on paper.

Say it's done, put the phone to bed, and name one thing that went right. That's two minutes, and it still counts.